“I have no problem with mockery.
I have no problem with patriarchy. I have no problem even with traditional
customs and beliefs. But I have a problem with people violating other people’s
rights.”
- Chin Cabrido, a Filipino who lived in Nepal and
campaigned viciously for Women’s Rights after she saw the plight of women in
Nepal.
The Story of Domestic Violence in Nepal
Janaki Koirala, 45 years, lives with her husband at their home in Nawalparasi. The elder son, 22 years, is in Kathmandu pursuing higher education and the daughter now 19 studies in the 10th grade and is preparing for SLC examinations at the end of the year.
Educated till the 10th grade, Janaki
was married at the age of 19 years to a Government Employee from Gulmi. Soon
after marriage Janaki realized that her husband drinks, sometimes heavily.
However, their marital life was going on normally for the first 5 years and
they had two children together: a son and a daughter. Soon after that, for no reasons Janaki can
think of, he started to drink regularly at local whiskey shops with his friends
and used to come home drunk. He started using profane language to Janaki and
even started beating her. Within a matter of months, it was an everyday routine.
The little children were afraid of all these and started to communicate pretty
less. Janaki and the children now feared every day as the sun went down. The
man, the husband and father would turn into a monster every night.
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| Domestic Violence. (Image curtsey The Himalayan Times) |
Now it has been almost 20 years,
and things have not changed. She is
tortured verbally and physically nearly every day at her own home by her
husband. A few months ago he hit Janaki with the leg of a wooden chair that was
broken. The wood struck her on the left side of her face, her eyes popped out,
and her face bled, she felt dizzy. That night, Janaki and her daughter locked
themselves, fearful and full of despair, their stomachs empty and hearts heavy,
on the cold rooftop of their house. Moments later her husband banged the door
several times so that he could attack them as the two girls held each other
tight, silently cursing their fate.
Well, it is not that the people
from the larger family and the neighbours have not intervened. But often in
cases like these, people often look for reconciliation of the situation rather
than retaliation of the heinous crime. The husband’s mother would come
sometimes and cry, and for a couple of days he would stop drinking,
promise his mother that he would be good to Janaki. But after the mother would
go back home, the same routine continues. Janaki’s family men have tried but
given their rather defensive stance, no good has come up. A few neighbours who
spoke for Janaki are tired by now.
Twenty Years
20 years! How she wished he would stop drinking one day. It never really came. Sometimes there is a blur line between fear and anger, love and hatred, hope and despair.
20 years! How she wished he would stop drinking one day. It never really came. Sometimes there is a blur line between fear and anger, love and hatred, hope and despair.
Domestic Violence in Nepal: Facts
How would you feel if your own home is not safe for you?
Domestic violence is most chronic
and under-reported crimes in Nepal. According to official statistics
nearly 86% of all women are unsafe in their own community. A whopping 64% of
Nepalese women suffer from Domestic Violence every year. These are your houses
and mine. In an event of a domestic violence we, like all others around us,
say “yahan yestai ho” and resort to fatalism and traditional ‘values’. The fact that only 25% VAW (Violence Against Women) survivors seek
medical support and even fewer seek legal justice highlights our society’s
preference on this issue. 59% of women are raped from intimate relationship and
8% of it is incest.
Grown in a culture where husbands are worshipped, for a women weakened by the physical and mental violence inflicted upon her by their ‘Gods’ and the society, it is almost impossible to take any affirmative action. Such is the situation that when a woman does decide to take steps against her sufferings, she is disgraced and blown away with allegations of indecency. Legal procedures are lengthy and discouraging, and generally futile; and emotions and traditions often grind any remaining perseverance. Stories of impunity in cases like that of Suntali Dhami (name changed, female police officer raped by her own colleagues) and Sita Rai (name changed, a foreign migrant sexually abused by Airport Security Forces) do little in maintaining any remaining belief in the broken law enforcement and justice system.
With no familial, social and
legal support a woman has to fight the battle alone. (I)NGOs publicize the
cases of a few dozen women they help, and the media cover them, but millions
are left stranded.
The women can neither fight the
crime, nor can she escape. There are no shelter homes or rehabilitation centers
where a woman can go in case of an emergency: she has to stay battered and subdued
in her own home with the aggressor still on rampage. Thus, with no independent
income of her own, as is generally the case, and an absence of a sound legal or social
security; there is no other option than staying quiet, tolerating. The result
is a more confident and a more convinced abuser, who has literally no risks of
a social or a legal demise. The vicious cycle of violence and torture continues
in the family and spirals into other homes of the society.
Ending Domestic Violence: Is Change Possible?
With such widespread prevalence
and the roots so deep in the society, it is hard to see how change is possible.
But with people getting together to form organizations, and organizations working
together in networks and common men and women spontaneously actively engaging into movements like
Occupy Baluwatar, there is Hope.
If we even start talking about
this issue at our homes with the family, in social gatherings, in friends’
circles and in social media; that will surely be a first step in marching towards
a more respectable and a more just society. The war will be long and testing,
and there will be battles that will have to be fought against the people and
beliefs we admire and respect, if not ourselves. There are bound to be
failures. But start we must.
“Success
consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.”
